There was a time I was genuinely dangerous at a beach.
Clothes that spoke for themselves, sunglasses as per that year's style, and abs so defined they could file a tax return independently. I showed up to every gathering like a man there to be the center of attention. And then I met my wife, fell completely, stupidly in love, and decided, with absolutely no one's permission, that I had arrived. That the competition was over. That I could, in good conscience, retire.
I put on 25 kilograms. Slowly, happily, and with tremendous commitment.
This is not her fault. I simply took contentment and used it as a permission slip for elastic waistbands.
So when the boys called last month and said, "nostalgia trip, Goa, the old crew". I said yes immediately and panicked for three weeks.
At the meetup point, everyone else seemed to have aged in a way that was, frankly, unfair. Groomed. Well put together. Lightly athletic. And then there was I, a man who had arrived wearing sunglasses that were now reading glasses, carrying the body of someone who had genuinely loved his wife's cooking and probably ate it nonstop. I looked like a potato that had been stuffed, with some force, I must say, into a very small sock.
The swim shorts I'd dug out for the trip were from a pre-wife era. The colour had faded to something between maybe blue and probably red. The waistband had given up at the same time I had. They weren't shorts anymore. They were a confession.
So later that night, just before I was about to die from second-hand embarrassment, I ordered the XYXX Swim Shorts from the hotel room. Butter Yellow. A bold choice for a man in my condition, but I was feeling reckless.
They arrived the next morning, promising UPF 50+ sun protection and fade resistance. After putting them on, I realised that the soft mesh liner offered the kind of structural support I was no longer providing myself. The first dip in the water showed me that the smart water-drain pockets actually drained, instead of trapping half the Arabian Sea against my thighs for the rest of the afternoon.
I put them on. Then I put on the XYXX Anti Tan Parka over them, partly for UV protection and partly to hide the fact that I now had a one-pack instead of a six-pack.
I looked, if not dangerous, at least competent. Which, at this stage of the trip, was a win.
The good news about Goa is that the sun doesn't care what you used to look like. It just shows up and gives you a nice tawa fry. The UPF 50+ in the Swim Shorts meant I wasn't dealing with a tan that would take six weeks to fade. The chlorine-resistant fabric meant the pool at our hotel did not eat away at my butter yellow colour by day two. And then there was the quick-dry, which meant that when we moved from the beach to a late lunch, I wasn't walking into a restaurant sounding like two wet plastic bags arguing.
So when the trip ended, and I was packing away the butter yellow shorts for another five years, I realised something. The good old days weren't better. They were just lighter, fewer stakes, more time, and an easier version of yourself to maintain. The nostalgia trip wasn't about recapturing that. It was about showing up for the people who've known you long enough to love the current version, too.
You can show up a little soft around the middle. Just don't show up in dead shorts.
FAQs
Are XYXX Aqua Swim Shorts good for both pool and beach use?
Yes. The chlorine-resistant, quick-dry fabric of the shorts handles both without colour fading or the fit loosening after repeated use.
Do the swim shorts offer sun protection?
Certified UPF 50+, so you're covered against UV damage without needing to slather sunscreen over the shorts themselves.
What's the mesh liner for?
It’s like an inner underwear lining for added support without bulk. It replaces the need for a separate underlayer and keeps things comfortable in and out of the water.
How fast do they actually dry?
Fast enough to move from the beach to lunch without it being a whole thing. Quick-dry polyester, you won't be squishing into chairs.
Can I wear these casually, not just for swimming?
The fit and colour range work well for general resort wear. Pair with the XYXX Anti-Tan Parka Jacket if you're moving between sun and shade.
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BY UMAIRE EFFENDI...
About the author: Umaire Effendi is a writer and film & television professional with over a decade of experience across India and Canada. His cross-cultural background gives him a distinct lens on modern Indian lifestyle, one that understands how India doesn't just follow global culture, but absorbs it, integrates it, and sends something entirely new back out into the world. He writes about men's fashion and culture by taking things apart, the why behind what Indian men wear, and what it says about where we're headed.
